Birknesh is one of thousands of Ethiopian women who face arranged marriages each year. After finding out her husband-to-be was HIV positive, Birknesh found the strength to refuse the marriage and is inspiring other women to do the same.

My name is Birknesh Deme and I am 18. After my mother died in 2003, my grandfather took me into his house, but I was not that dear to him so I had to look after and provide for my younger sister.

When I was 17, while I was doing day labour, my grandfather persistently tried to wed me to someone. I didn’t want to. I wanted to live with my sister and improve both of our lives.

My grandfather said that unless I got married, he would not give me land on which to build a house or allow me to continue to live with him. I don’t know if my grandfather had even met the groom before he agreed my hand in marriage. I had certainly never met him.

As the wedding day approached, I decided to ask the man I was due to marry to take a HIV test. I had heard of people contracting HIV and people in the community talking about it. I knew it could be spread by razor blades or needles and also through sexual relations.

He consented to the test, but when the time for the test arrived, he came up with various excuses. I put my foot down and told him that today is different. Today was a serious today and we need to take action.

We were told the results immediately after we took the test. When she said he was positive, I was so worried and did not know what to say because the wedding was arranged for the next day.

If I went ahead with the wedding without saying anything to anyone, I would catch the virus. I know HIV is like fire, it burns those it catches. On the other hand, if I did tell my family, I was scared what they would say to me.

I did not tell my family until the wedding day as I was frightened. When I did tell them, they fell silent. I was relieved, however, as even my grandfather accepted me back without hesitation, fearing for my safety.

Usually, the community says a lot of negative things about a person who turns down marriage. In my case, the community was amazed that this had happened. They appreciated my stand, saying that it must be because I am a decent girl.

I now attend an 'idir'. These are local institutions run by community members. Through this, I have attended training on the issues of HIV and AIDS run by ActionAid and a partner organisation called IMPACT.

ActionAid helped me and also uses my case as an example so that others may learn. Many people have taken the test since my case. The day after my wedding, eleven people went to get their HIV status checked. From then on, no one got married without having a test done.

I felt proud of myself that I can be used as an example and I feel very, very happy to be free from the virus.